Endings Are Beginnings

My wife died in 2010.  That is it.  2010 condensed in five words and a period.  I’ve yet to write down what that meant for me.  I wonder if I ever will.  And maybe that’s the reason I’ve found it hard to write.  My number one fan (and only fan?), Myra, says that I have a story to write and that I should write it down.  But I don’t really know where to start.  And I’m certainly not doing it now.  This is my attempt to write down 2010.

She died in February 2010.  What happened next is pretty much a blur.  But I do know that I finished 15 books this year.  I think that’s a record of sorts for me.  And I think listing them down pretty much summarizes the blur.

• All I Really Needed to Know I Learned In Kindergarten (this is the updated version; I was obviously looking for answers)
• The Devil’s Punchbowl (Luth and I discovered Greg Iles right about the time she started to get sick – we read everything together; except for this one which came out this year.  I read it anyway in the hope that by reading it, I would be able to share the adventure with her.  I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did)
• How To Talk To A Widower (This is the book that turned everything around for me.  Dark.  Funny.  Essentially F-U and don’t mess with my grief. Doug Parker is wonderfully imperfect.  The start of my new serial hunt for Jonathan Tropper’s work)
• Love Story (Began my effort to wallow in emotion and see if I get saturated to the point of numbness)
• The Notebook (Aside from reading this one, I also saw the movie version of Nicholas Sparks’ Nights in Rodanthe.   I soon wrote the two ‘fiction’ pieces here in my blog after reading Love Story & The Notebook)
• The Book of Joe (Reaffirmation that Jonathan Tropper writes for me)
• Pygmy (Chuck Palahniuk really writes weird.  But yes the world has bigger problems than I do)
• This is Where I Leave You (Jonathan Tropper)
• Everything Changes (Jonathan Tropper)
• Look at the Birdie (Jonathan Tropper says Kurt Vonnegut is a major influence so I picked this one up)
• Breakfast of Champions
• Less Than Zero (Bleak, No Future, Walang Pakialam.  I miss the 80s)
• The Road Less Traveled (This one needs a post of it’s own.  I finally finished reading it after 5 years or so)
• The Lost Symbol (Yes, I also read idiotic popcorn fiction)
• Outliers (Lots to know, lots to learn.  Malcolm Gladwell always manages to give a fresh perspective on how to view the world)

15 books.

I think it means that I sought to understand.  I sought to find answers.  I wanted to understand a lot, lot, more.   And I like what I’ve seen.  There is a whole other world out there and while it certainly feels like everything is “been there, done that”,  I know I am so wrong.  Endless adventures await should I decide to do the brave thing and start living and learning again.   And I think I’ve kicked off the adventure pretty aggressively by transferring jobs in November.

I’m currently reading Hitori Nakano’s Train Man.  It’s about a young man who meets a girl on a train.  He’s SMITTEN (yes in caps!).  But he’s a geek and does not know what to do.  So he posts on an online forum and he finds help and support from the ‘net.

I’m rooting for him of course.   Despite everything, love is a wonderful thing.  Living, Learning, Loving.

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