Senti » cho.ology

Fiction: The Jacket

Aug 012010

He had lent her his jacket earlier that evening. She’d felt cold and he lent her his jacket.

It had been what? More than 25 years since they last saw each other? And it was good to see him again. She knew that he’d wanted to stay longer if he could, but he had to go this time. And tomorrow she had to go back home.

All she had of him now was the jacket she held gently in her hands. She brought it up to her face, lay back, closed her eyes, and breathed deeply. There was a hint of cologne, but deep beneath was his familiar scent. Him. His scent. She remembered how it was many years ago, to be in his arms, to love truly and truly be loved. And then she knew. After all these years, she loved him still. And all the feelings she’d kept deep and hidden now surfaced and sobbed their way free.

A slight noise brought her back to the present as her eldest daughter entered the room.

“What are you doing, Mom?”

“Oh…”

Her mom was in tears, yet she smiled at her.

“I’m… just… happy.”

Fiction: The Garden

Fiction, Senti No Responses »

Jul 222010

He stood at the same place where he was eight years ago.

It was probably even the same month. Perhaps fate made sure it was even the same day. And as it had been back then, he wished for time to stand still so the day could not end.

As a young boy he’d been here in this garden, and had clumsily told her, “I have to go – it’s getting dark na eh.” Clumsy it turned out because what he really meant to say was, “I have to go but I don’t want to because I’m crazy in love with you.” He eventually told her what he really wanted to say, after many, many, weeks of rehearsing the scene in his head. And in time, she also fell in love with him.

And he remembers that time in his life as all-wonderful, filled with knowing looks and meaningful smiles of two young people who have fallen in love for the first time. They spent afternoons together all summer, holding hands whenever they could. They exchanged perfumed love letters, worded full of clichés their young minds could barely understand. But pure as it was, it could not last. The fun and the laughter would end a few months later, their young love a poor match to the tumultuous crazy confusion of teen years.

Tonight they talked and laughed the way old friends who have been apart too long always do. And once again they stood in this garden trying to say goodnight for the 9th time tonight. Should he tell her that all throughout those missing years he’d thought about her a lot? No that wasn’t true. All throughout those missing years he’d missed her and loved her more than ever. But he couldn’t possibly say that, could he? That would just ruin the moment. But tonight there seemed to be something more to her smile. And when she laughed it seemed that she was really glad to be with him tonight. But most of all she had that look – the look that said she loved him back better than words ever could. Or did she? Or did he just wish this so?

He had tried to get back together with her in the past, but she’d always turned him away. It had been always a cycle of sorts – they would see each other, chat, be friends again and then he’d have to spoil the friendship by asking her to fall in love again. But tonight it felt different. He couldn’t possibly spoil the moment, could he? No. Not tonight. Walk away.

“I really have to go. But this was nice. Really nice. And I’d really like to see you again.”

And she is 12 again, smiling the smile that melts all his pretense at control.

“Oo ba.”

It’s an effort to turn around and walk to the gate. Was that a sigh? He turns around again and looks at her looking at him. The smile is gone, but there is something about the way she looks at him and the way everything around seems to have fallen silent.

He walks back to her until their bodies almost touch. She looks up at him, eyes twinkling, and mouths, almost whispering, “Ano?”

And they kiss. He’s tentative at first, but she puts her arms around him and kisses back. Through the silence of a kiss he tells her how much she’s loved, and she hugs him tighter, telling him just how passionately she loves him back.

Listening to The Sounds of Silence

Music, Senti 1 Response »

Nov 052007

“And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls”
And whispered in the sounds of silence.”

Paul Simon wrote the lyrics to “The Sounds of Silence” over 40 years ago. It isn’t quite a stretch to relate his words to where we are today – blogging life, chatting across the globe, sending each other SMS – 24 x 7. Yet despite being wired to one another it sometimes feels colder. Maybe if we weren’t so wired to each other then we’d find time to be with people we truly care about.

The Sounds of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

“Fools”, said I, “You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence

The Sound of Music

Movies & TV, Music, Senti, Ups No Responses »

Aug 052007

They showed The Sound of Music on cable a few hours ago. I own a DVD of it, but for some strange reason I haven’t played it in its entirety. It’s one of those things – you own a lot of these movies on DVD, but the moment it’s on cable, you still sit down and watch it. And sometimes you actually see it on cable before you actually take off the shrink wrapping on the disk.

The Sound of Music is one the earliest movies I remember seeing as a child. That and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and a war movie called “Five For Hell”. I don’t recall much from “Five For Hell”, except that it was probably the first time I heard my Dad cursing at bad guys onscreen. It didn’t make a lot of sense, but it seemed like a fun thing to do.

But The Sound of Music and Snow White evoke emotional feelings of childlike happiness and sadness in me. So masochist that I am, I plopped on the couch and prepped myself for the emotional rollercoaster ride.

I think I still felt happy and sad in the same places. For most part the ride was only marred by the killjoy adult in me. Even if it’s a musical, it’s just awkward for people to just burst into song (hmmm… must watch Tommy again). Also I thought it was cheesy the way the movie would change to ‘soft focus’ in the scenes between Maria and the Captain. But hey, the movie premiered in 1965.

I guess what really struck deep was the realization that more than the feel-good singing and the “fairy tale-like” storyline, the movie really tells us about making difficult decisions and facing life head on. It’s about Maria heeding love’s call when it seemed pointless. It’s about the Captain making the tough call in the end.

Mother Abess says it best: Maria, these walls were not meant to shut out problems. You have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live.

The Bike

Places, Senti 3 Responses »

Mar 022006

I don’t recall its name, but it was a motorcycle magazine. It was high school freshman year, and my classmates and I were waiting for classes to start. Within the pages of the magazine, bike and rider raced, others slid thru turns, and others flew. I remember staring the most at pictures of bikes in the air, front wheel turned to one side. Bob Hannah became my hero. Someday I’d be him.

But till the day came, I had to be content with my stupid bicycle. It wasn’t even a BMX bike. It was a blue ‘Easy Rider’ – with long ‘U’ style handlebars, tall thin tires, a saddle for 2, and a backrest. It didn’t have any gears, but it had a dinky ‘ring-ring’ bell. And it didn’t have the normal brakes found on bikes today. To stop that thing, you had to pedal backwards about half a turn. That was called a footbrake.

Fairview Park is a huge subdivision. In the 70s, there were blocks and blocks of unoccupied lots full of weeds and man-high cogon grass. Well, probably boy-high cogon grass. And we rode the bike all over the place. By we, that was Ricky Robles and myself. Ricky also studied in San Beda and he lived a few blocks away from us. Ricky taught me to ride that bike. And he ran as he guided the bike, and ran, and ran, and ran some more. He was a very patient teacher. Later he would teach me other, more important things – girls! Thank you Ricky, wherever you are.

And so the bike became our trusty little steed. And off we went around the village, on asphalt and dirt, in sun and in the rain. Whenever I visit Fairview, and revisit the places we went to, I keep wondering how we managed those steep inclines. Because all I remember now is the fun we had.

Yes, I got scraped and I got bruised. But I also learned how wonderful it is to ride at 6am on a summer morning. The light is golden, and you can actually smell the freshness. Amoy green. And you went where you wanted to go. Time only mattered because it got hotter as the morning crept to noon.

The bike is long gone. And I’ve moved far from Fairview. I don’t know where Ricky is.

But every year when summer comes, the memory comes back – smell and all. Ansarrappp.

a pause

Downs, Music, Senti 5 Responses »

Sep 272005

This song is stuck in my head.

Probably because Don Adams has died. And once more I felt the world move on. Things have changed. Yet some remain.

From the Beatles:

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

Unexpected Question

Events, Senti, Ups 1 Response »

Sep 162005

Last Sunday, over lunch, our 10-year old suddenly asked: “Ma? Ano ba yung mid-life crisis?” I almost choked. Boy, are their teachers asking them to observe their parents?

Luckily, the question wasn’t addressed to me and I kinda rolled my eyes over to my wife. She gave a factual answer – that there comes a point in life that people sometimes realize that they are not doing what they want to do, and that some adults have a difficult time dealing with it.

I asked him where he heard the term. He told me that he heard it from the Rugrats – that Tommy’s grandpa was having a mid-life crisis. But being the smart aleck that my son is, he said that it’s silly of course, because the old man was way beyond mid-life.

Whew.

We soon set off the kids to wash-up and my wife and I had a quick exchange.

“Were you ever aware of mid-life crises when you were a kid?”
“No. I don’t think they had a term for that then. ”
“People just went bonkers.”
“And families simply disintegrated because they couldn’t understand what was going on.”
“Sa tingin mo it’s good for them to know about these things?”
“Oo naman.”

Goodbye Commander Straker. Farewell Colonel Foster.

Movies & TV, Senti 1 Response »

Aug 242005

I’ve just learned that two of my earliest personal heroes died within a few days of each other. Ed Bishop and Michael Billington died in early June, 2005.

Nobody… and I mean nobody… could drag me away from the TV when UFO was on.

Bye, guys!

More info here: http://www.fanderson.org.uk/news2.html#EdandMike

Musical Roots – Part 1

Music, Senti, Ups 2 Responses »

Aug 222005

That piece on JDLC’s Langit got me reminiscing about my barkada in Fairview. We were all into what is now called Classic Rock, and Pinoy Rock. And on some days we’d actually get into informal jams. Nothing much – just two acoustic guitars, and someone on vocals who could sing – or at least believed he could sing.

I hope that I can jam with my kids one day. But to date, only son # 2 seems to show any musical interest. Lemme see…. What did I listen to when I was a kid?

In those days, home entertainment consisted of a TV, a Stereo, and a transistor radio or two. Those stereos were huge beasts – not the type you could put on the shelf nor carry on your shoulder. And so naturally, they also had huge speakers, which meant you really couldn’t play soft muted music. And my dad would listen to his records every weekend. I think Sunday was pretty much blast-them-termites-off-them-walls days.

And what was I forced to listen to? Ray Conniff, Mantovani, Enoch Light, Andy Williams, The Lettermen, and Harry Belafonte live at Carnegie Hall. By the time I was 10, I had memorized Harry Belafonte’s ad-libs and at what points the audience would laugh. Googling, I’ve just found out that: ‘If Mantovani is the epitome of elevator music, Ray Conniff is the epitome of supermarket music. ‘ (from http://www.spaceagepop.com/conniff.htm).

My older cousins had cooler stuff. One had Santana’s Lion Head album, and another was into Sergio Mendes and Brazil ’66. I wish I’d spent more time with my cousins.

Then I think Channel 9 showed A Hard Day’s Night and introduced me to what many recognize as the group that started it all. I soon discovered that DWIZ had a special All-Beatles program… and that better yet, DWOK had an All-Beatle Sunday format. And that if you turned the dial a bit to the left of DWOK, you landed on DZRJ, The Rock of Manila. Nah, it didn’t play most of the goofy stuff that Ramon Jacinto really likes nowadays. Back then it was Larry Coryell, the Doobies, EC, and at 6:30pm, you had Petrified Anthem, Aunt Irma, Phase 2, and of course, JDLC. Man, I miss those days.

A few years back I saw a CD of Harry Belafonte Live at Carnegie Hall. I thought once, twice, and a third time. I left it on the rack. I was worried that I’d start crying if I heard it once more. Googling again, I guess I made the right choice because people are complaining about the incomplete transfer from LP to CD.

Else I’d be crying because they’d have edited out important memories.

Langit Ay Itim Ang Kulay

Downs, Music, Senti 6 Responses »

Aug 152005

I know I’m in a dark mood when the radio in my head starts to play a particular song by Juan dela Cruz band. For those of you who equate Pinoy Rock with the Eheads, then JDLC won’t ring any bells nor make you smile and start wishing for them days.

The lyrics are all muddled up but I think some of the lines are:

Langit ay itim ang kulay, hindi na yata magbabago
Puso ko’y nagdurugo, wala na bang tutulong?

O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?
O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?

Ang mga tao dito ngayon, ay naghihintay na lang
Sa kanilang kamatayan, at sa kabilang buhay.

O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?
O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?**

I think it was Mike Hanopol on the vocals, and I dunno if it was intended, but he sounded pretty much like he was underwater. Heheh… visions of a dark, dark, sky… pouring rain, shanties….

That is probably the darkest song I know.

Langit appeared in JDLC’s live album Super Session Vicor has promised to rerelease the album or at least songs from the album by January this year. I’m still waiting. So if you know anyone who has a copy… bootleg or not, please do tell me. Well, until the official reissue comes out, I’d settle for a copy.

The correct lyrics (updated 12 September 2010):

Aaah-ha-aaa- (Mike Hanopol wailing)

Langit ay itim ang kulay, hindi na yata magbabago
Puso ko’y nagdurugo, wala na bang tutulong?
Ang mga tao dito ngayon, ay naghihintay na lang
Sa kanilang kamatayan, at sa kabilang buhay.

O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?
O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?

Pinasok nya si Kamatayan, gumawa na rin ng kabaong
Buhay niya’y nakasanla, wala na siyang itutubos
Langit ay itim ang kulay, hindi na yata magbabago
Puso ko’y nagdurugo, wala na bang tutulong?

O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?
O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?

Langit ay itim ang kulay, hindi na yata magbabago
Puso ko’y nagdurugo, wala na bang tutulong?
Ang mga tao dito ngayon, ay naghihintay na lang
Sa kanilang kamatayan, at sa kabilang buhay.

O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?
O-o-o Langit, saan ka naroroon?
Bakit mo iniwanan ang tao?

*album cover above was copied from http://www.pinoyclassicrock.com

Older Entries

cho.ology

Fiction: The Jacket

Fiction: The Garden

Listening to The Sounds of Silence

The Sound of Music

The Bike

a pause

Unexpected Question

Goodbye Commander Straker. Farewell Colonel Foster.

Musical Roots – Part 1

Langit Ay Itim Ang Kulay

Pages

Recent Posts

Archives

Meta

Recently Updated