Most of the time the world just happens.  And at times life is shitty and random and  it just doesn’t make any sense.  No sense at all.  But sometimes everything fits and once again you wonder if everything does happen for a reason.

And so I’m on my way home and traffic is at a crawl along Ortigas Avenue Extension.  Rain had been pouring for a while and traffic plus heavy rain could only mean that the road ahead must be flooded.   It had been so far a two hour drive for what would normally take less than an hour.

A few cars ahead of me are a couple who are my neighbors and also my officemates. They soon call to tell me that they are turning around to take a longer route home.   That would also normally what I’d do, as that longer route had saved me more than once. But this night I decide to simply bear the heavy traffic and aim for Ever Gotesco Mall up ahead and park and probably eat and then wait it out a bit.

After a few moments at the parking lot, I get bored and start texting a few friends.     A close friend from high school lives nearby and so I text her and tell her where I’m at and warn her about the traffic in the area.   And I’m surprised by her response.  Apparently there’s a crisis of sorts at her home because her son who’s diabetic has misplaced his insulin shot for the day.  And because of the traffic in the area, they don’t think they can make it to the drugstore at the mall before it closes.  So I just offer to buy the medicine and bring it over.   Her house is near the mall and going opposite of where the traffic was so I’m at her place in about 20 mins.

Problem solved.

And I get a nice cold beer to boot.  And good company for about 3 hours while I wait for the traffic to ease up.

Sometimes everything just clicks into place.  Perfectly.

 

There is just something primal in singing the following lyrics at the top of your voice with a raised fist:


Laklakin mo hanggang gusto mo

Wala namang pumipigil sa ‘yo.

Dikdikin mo sige. Tapakan mo.

Ubusin mo hanggang sa ika’y maging bato.

Kagatin mo. ‘Wag mong lubayan.

Bugbugin mo. Durugin mo

Laklakin mo sige.  Laklakin mo

Ubusin mo hanggang sa ika’y maging bato.


May 26.  At the Tiendesitas.   Mike Hanopol, Wally Gonzales, and Joey “Pepe” Smith.   The power trio of gods of Pinoy Rock better known as the Juan Dela Cruz band rock and rolled and took away my blues.

Rewind years and years and several more years and my friends and I were bobbing our long haired heads up and down to this kanto anthem.

Fast forward 35 or so years and I’m now mourning the death of my wife.  And the song is suddenly about my pain, my loss, my anguish.  And I found myself shouting it out, bringing it to fore and offering it to the gods of pinoy rock and roll.  Ubusin mo hanggang sa ika’y maging bato!

That felt good.  Endorphins or alcohol or rage or anger or all of the above.  That felt good.  Truly good.


(Photo courtesy of Pat Te Seng)


 

2009 started off with a lot of love.  Friends and acquaintances gave us hope by giving us the financial support needed for Luth’s medication.  And it was such a massive outpouring of love and support that it gave me hope things were going to swing our way.

True, I had been notified that my contract, along with all my other officemates, was being pre-terminated a lot earlier because of the US recession – but I didn’t think it would be difficult to find new work.  Boy was I wrong.

Everything started to get desperate by May.   I had only asked friends for help for 3 months (which I felt was more than enough to ask of them) and I was no longer earning anything.

I got my break in June, when a huge global IT software company took me in.   The pay was a lot less than what I had been getting – but this time it was for a regular appointment – so the job came with full benefits. But challenges remained – the biggest of which is of course, Luth’s battle with cancer.  By then it was obvious that the cancer was still there and I just did not have the funds to continue her previous medication which had seemed to give us hope.

We got another break in August, when we learned that a generic version of Luth’s wonder drug was selling for a tenth of the price we had been paying.  But it was more difficult to source, as we had to find our own channel to India to acquire the medicine.  Luth’s cancer turned for the worse in September and she had to be confined again.  Friends once again came to the rescue as they helped us with funding for medical expenses.  We soon got our medicine from India, and Luth was discharged after a month of confinement.  But this time Luth would be unable to walk out of the hospital.

To date Luth is still bed bound, and not yet able sit up nor much less walk about.  But she continues with her medication and physical therapy and she grows stronger everyday.

My biggest challenge right now remains to be funding.   I can see it easing up by middle of 2010 when part of our monthly payables will have been completed. But between now and then I really don’t know how I’ll make it  :cry:

The year ends again with friends – in a very surreal setting:  a friend’s new bar is being set up in a building which was built in the 19th century…  it has some ways to go but it looks promising.  And the friends who come to share a drink are ones whom I haven’t seen in a very long time.  And their mere presence comforts.

And now as the year draws to a close, I am still adding new found friends in Facebook, and the friends who have been there for a while make their presence felt and continue to give hopeful wishes for 2010.  So as I look back to 2009, I see how difficult the year was and I realize that I made it through because of the love of friends.  Thank you all!

Cho

 

17 years ago, Benigno Aquino Jr was killed at NAIA. I thought it happened around 6PM on a rainy Saturday evening. But turning back my PC’s calendar to 1983 shows that it was actually a Sunday. So now I’m not sure about the time. I do remember feeling depressed, then angry. For me, Ninoy represented the hope of a better future for my country, my loved ones, and myself.

I have vague memories of watching Ninoy on TV on the 60s and early 70s. I didn’t really understand what he stood for or what he was. As a toddler, I remembered Ninoy as the guy on TV who looked like my Ninong Melding. As a young kid studying in San Beda along Mendiola, I knew all about the demonstrations and the activists. I liked them because classes were always suspended when they were around. But I never really understood why activists were always shouting and angry.

I soon learned the truth when I transferred to UP High School. It wasn’t anymore John, Judy, Jean and Spot. It was about “Oli Impan” and “The World Is An Apple” and realizing my government had serious shortcomings. And finally, I came across an old tattered book in the library entitled “I See Red In a Circle”. I remember it had a lot of pictures taken during the 1st Quarter storm of 1970. There was this gory picture of someone who got hit by a pillbox on the head. And it had the characters chanting: “Marcos – hitler, diktador, tuta!”. So this was what the shouting and anger was all about.

Ninoy was one of those quickly incarcerated by Marcos soon after he declared Martial Law in 1972. Later in 1978 Marcos allowed Ninoy to join the upcoming elections for the Batasang Pambansa. From his cell, Ninoy formed the opposition party Lakas ng Bayan (LABAN). He would later be allowed a single TV interview – which I saw and for the first time understood what Ninoy was and what he meant to all of us. So much so that although I wasn’t old enough to vote, I joined some of my classmates and a couple of teachers on a LABAN march from Diliman all the way to Liwasan Bonifacio. And of course, a really cute 7-year old Kris Aquino provided all the affirmation needed as she stood and campaigned for her dad.

So I sat stunned as I watched the man in white lying across the tarmac. I felt all numb. But as the days and the weeks and the months passed by, I soon realized Ninoy was still pretty much around. This time though, he was no longer just a personality on the boob tube and on the dailies. He was now in all of us. He raged in all of us. And he led us all the way to EDSA.

***

21 years after EDSA, a lot of my idealism has been replaced by the pragmatism of adulthood and family life. Yet a lot of the same issues and problems that plagued us then still remain. Heck we still do not know who ordered Ninoy killed. Yes the guy who pulled the trigger is probably in jail. But he was a soldier – following the chain of command.  Butz Aquino says we can close the issue because everybody knows who did it.  Well I don’t!  So Butz, please tell me – who gave the order?

Yes, Marcos the dictator is long dead and gone. And 4 other Presidents later, we find that a lot of our leaders have forgotten what it was like to be oppressed, abused, and to be taken advantage of.

Keep the fire burning. Let us continue to be vigilant and remember that we still owe Ninoy what he paid for with his life. LABAN!

 

They showed The Sound of Music on cable a few hours ago. I own a DVD of it, but for some strange reason I haven’t played it in its entirety. It’s one of those things – you own a lot of these movies on DVD, but the moment it’s on cable, you still sit down and watch it. And sometimes you actually see it on cable before you actually take off the shrink wrapping on the disk.

The Sound of Music is one the earliest movies I remember seeing as a child. That and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and a war movie called “Five For Hell”. I don’t recall much from “Five For Hell”, except that it was probably the first time I heard my Dad cursing at bad guys onscreen. It didn’t make a lot of sense, but it seemed like a fun thing to do.

But The Sound of Music and Snow White evoke emotional feelings of childlike happiness and sadness in me. So masochist that I am, I plopped on the couch and prepped myself for the emotional rollercoaster ride.

I think I still felt happy and sad in the same places. For most part the ride was only marred by the killjoy adult in me. Even if it’s a musical, it’s just awkward for people to just burst into song (hmmm… must watch Tommy again). Also I thought it was cheesy the way the movie would change to ‘soft focus’ in the scenes between Maria and the Captain. But hey, the movie premiered in 1965.

I guess what really struck deep was the realization that more than the feel-good singing and the “fairy tale-like” storyline, the movie really tells us about making difficult decisions and facing life head on. It’s about Maria heeding love’s call when it seemed pointless. It’s about the Captain making the tough call in the end.

Mother Abess says it best: Maria, these walls were not meant to shut out problems. You have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live.

 

I sat through the movie trailers and commercials, not expecting much from the main feature. I’d felt the hype earlier on. Eastwood had all four of it’s theaters showing the same movie. Two of ‘em even had early morning showings. And I couldn’t pick my desired time slot as the best seats were already taken. And it did have Michael Bay at the helm. Okay – well even if it turns out to be a dud, watching movies together still counts as good family time.

Little did I realize that I’d count the next 2 hours or so as among the best time I’ve spent watching a movie. Transformers blew me away. Big time.

Just a few weeks ago we were also in Eastwood to see Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End. Just as the two ships started battling it out in the maelstrom, my youngest said he had to go to the bathroom. What the hey…. it probably reminded him so much of a flushing toilet that he couldn’t keep it in any longer. So I just gritted my teeth in defeat and we both went out.

Now this time just as Max convinces Sector 7 to let Bumblebee loose, my 11 year old says he had to go. Well this time I had to stare for a while before realizing it’s an easier decision – he’s older. I told him to just go. This time my youngest went with him. Hahaha.

No I wasn’t really a fan of the animated series. I had earlier dismissed ‘em as a derivative of good ol’ Voltes V and Mazinger Z and Daimos. But Bay and Speilberg’s take I really liked: A10s in action! an AC130 Gunship! a Pave Hawk! F22s! Were some of ‘em bots firing PPCs? And I’ll always root for the guy who gets the girl – specially if it’s the girl with the sexiest tummy and can look under the hood of a car and appreciate the metal. Heck she actually hotwires one.

Yeah it’s mostly eye candy – but I happen to like eye candy. I never tire of watching the intro of Warhammer 40K Dawn of War. Sometimes I start the game just to see the intro. So for you folks looking for a really, really deep and cerebral storyline – this ain’t for you.

The other effects were kinda ho-hum. Seen ‘em before. Been there, done that. The ‘bot transformations and action sequences were a bit too fast for my aging eyes. I need to get back to video gaming seriously – might get me ready for the sequel!

Some scenes stick out – Bumblebee looked too much like Kong when Sector 7′s choppers tie him up. That scene where Sam says “I won’t leave you” to his downed friend seemed “off” somehow. Musta ‘been Spielberg there.

Quotables I liked: “When you’re 50 and remembering this, wouldn’t you want to say I’m glad I got into the car” – or something like that. And also: “Parents are annoying. Can I take ‘em out?” Hahaha…. I wonder if i’m an annoying parent.

I must say it was 160 pesos well-spent (well 800 for a family of 5). Can’t wait for the special edition DVD. I wonder if it’ll come in a tin shaped like a Camaro.

And oh, I’ve heard of fanboys who are ticked off that the movie didn’t stick to the original storyline – and are sooo ticked off that they are ticked off at people who liked the movie. Hey. It’s a movie. Go make your own and blog it.

 

I’ve transferred to another IT company.

So once again I have to go through the nasty phase of fitting in, getting in-sync, remembering names and faces, and lunching solo.

But once again the excitement is there. Something new. New hopes. Something to look forward to.

I’m smiling again.

 

Last Sunday, over lunch, our 10-year old suddenly asked: “Ma? Ano ba yung mid-life crisis?” I almost choked. Boy, are their teachers asking them to observe their parents?

Luckily, the question wasn’t addressed to me and I kinda rolled my eyes over to my wife. She gave a factual answer – that there comes a point in life that people sometimes realize that they are not doing what they want to do, and that some adults have a difficult time dealing with it.

I asked him where he heard the term. He told me that he heard it from the Rugrats – that Tommy’s grandpa was having a mid-life crisis. But being the smart aleck that my son is, he said that it’s silly of course, because the old man was way beyond mid-life.

Whew.

We soon set off the kids to wash-up and my wife and I had a quick exchange.

“Were you ever aware of mid-life crises when you were a kid?”
“No. I don’t think they had a term for that then. ”
“People just went bonkers.”
“And families simply disintegrated because they couldn’t understand what was going on.”
“Sa tingin mo it’s good for them to know about these things?”
“Oo naman.”

 

In the Philippines, the official start of the holiday season begins December 16, the first day for dawn masses. But we are known to be a crazy bunch, and to most people here September 1 is the start of the count-up to Christmas Day. September is the first of the -ber months, leading up to Decembrrr.

Oh my. I will start to hear Michael Jackson’s Give Love On Christmas Day – in the malls and on the car radio. Well honestly, the song gives me good, good memories of Christmases as a kid, but by November when every mall and radio station plays it as a staple, I know I will start cursing the jury.

It is always good to think good thoughts and to think about spreading love and cheer. But there are just too many things weighing me down these days. Ho. ho. ho.

 

Mid 90s?

Like most Gaiman fans, I first ‘met’ the man through the Sandman series. I’d been hooked on Stephen King for the longest time and after a while, I just wanted more. Then I found Clive Barker’s Books of Blood. Right about that time I started to notice the Sandman graphic novels because of the artwork. The name Neil Gaiman as the author to the Sandman series stuck to my mind. But I could not bring myself to get a copy because the graphic novels cost more than paperbacks and I thought there was no way I could justify the purchase to the wifey.

Between Luth and I, it had been established that all King releases were to be purchased, as were all Tom Clancy books, and that I had some leeway with Clive Barker. And Neil wasn’t on the list.

Fast-forward to 2004.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman. The paperback stared back. By then I was on my sabbatical with Stephen King because he had decided to write about a couple of ‘feminine’ books, and was way overdue with The Dark Tower. Clive Barker lost me after Weaveworld. And I couldn’t find any other Poppy Brite books. What the hey… let’s try Neil.

American Gods started out well for me, but I had a little difficulty going through the ‘ancient god flashbacks’. Linda bothered me as well. And the gypsies. But I thought Shadow and Wednesday were great characters. After finishing the book, I wasn’t sure if I wanted read some more Gaiman.

Sometime in March this year, I found myself again in a bookstore and I needed to buy a book so that I wouldn’t look stupid sitting alone in Starbucks. This time Neverwhere stared back at me. The blurb on the cover said it was set underneath London. I had managed to spend a weekend in London the previous year, and I’d been intrigued by the city and the underground . So I got Neverwhere.

Neverwhere did it for me. I felt like a child again… I lost myself in the book… lost in everything but the book. I think I finished it in a weekend.

Soon after, I picked-up a copy of The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes – much more expensive now than it was years ago. The next 7 Sandman volumes, and Smoke and Mirrors soon followed – made frantic with the news that Neil was coming to Manila.

I loved Seasons of Mist and I’m looking forward to completing the series. But so far, I like Smoke and Mirrors best because it comes across very honestly – no frills, just good storytelling. S & M also feels more personal.

A rereading of American Gods is certainly high on my list of things to do. That is, if I can stop myself from grabbing Anansi Boys as soon as it comes out here. And oh, Neil is now on the buy-anything-with-his-name-on-it list.

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